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Can You say Jinxed? The Aftermath of Being Open

1229866_679413595444380_1549999999_nI definitely do not have the luck of the Irish, and I think I may have jinxed myself after breaking my silence. Three days after my post about recovering from breaking my left fibula last February, I dislocated my right ankle, breaking the tibia twice and fibula once.  The fancy name is trimalleolar fracture. This break was way worse than the first one. 😦 Again, it was a freak fall, with my foot coming down in an awkward position with all my weight in totally the wrong place. I yelled last time as I went down, this time I screamed. Leaguemates say it raised the hairs on their necks, transmitting pain and terror all at once. I guess I really scared a lot of people.  As I lay on the floor, I couldn’t think about anything but the pain. Derby sisters are an amazing group. It happened at scrimmage, right in front of the penalty box, where my captain/ER nurse happened to be sitting. She moved so fast that I think my foot was in her hand as it hit the floor. Another league mate, a police officer in her real life, had my head in her lap before I knew it, helping me to focus on my breathing. ‘Cause this time, that’s what it was about – breathing through the pain. And, I’m not going to lie – terror that it  had happened not only again, but worse. There was no car ride to the hospital this time – I couldn’t even imagine getting off the ground on my own. I told my captain to call for an ambulance.

2014 after copy

  At the ER, the doc told me they’d have to “reduce” my ankle, which meant putting my foot back where it was supposed to be, before they could x-ray. It wasn’t painless, but I had a great doc and she was quick about it. You’ll notice that there’s a splint in my x-ray, to hold everything in place. A few days later I was back in my ortho’s office, discussing more surgery, more incisions, more plates. I really am going to be Robo Gracie!

A week later I had my surgery. I was lucky, I hadn’t ruptured the ligament that connects the tibia and fibula. That means six weeks of no weight bearing instead of ten. That was good news! Hello friendly recliner, we’re old friends. I’m not sure how long my recovery time will be this time around, or when I’ll be able to work again. Breaking the right ankle makes it much harder to get back to driving. No driving = no working. I at least had the XSI Sports Insurance in place this time, and have actually already received my first check from them to pay the ER bill. However, no income makes it really hard to pay the bills. My husband is working sporadically, which makes our situation harder financially.  My captain has set up a Go Fund Me account ( www.gofundme.com/6gbim0) any amount you can donate is appreciated!! If this link does not work, go to http://www.gofundme.com and search for Gracie O’Malice. My link should be first on the list.

go fund me

My derby family and students have been amazing! One of my derby sisters organized a dinner calendar, and my husband and I had dinners for more than two weeks! So much food. A student installed a safety bar in our bathroom to make it safer. We’ve moved since I broke my other leg, and our previous bathrooms had great safety bars. I miss them! We also live in an apartment now, so the dog walkers have been much appreciated.

The first time around, most people asked if I would return to playing. I get that question less this time around. Many have told me that they assume I’m done. How can I risk this again? Two breaks in less than a year. So much pressure on my husband, as now he has to work, take care of our place, and take care of me. Lot’s of financial stress. As much as I love this sport, I don’t think I can do this again. I actually said that to my husband as I was being loaded into the ambulance. He said, “Babe, you don’t have a choice”. He’s right. However, the risk has become too much. How do I feel about it? Truthfully? I feel robbed. Like a thief in the night snuck in and stole my derby future. I had goals, aspirations. I wasn’t done. My body decided differently for me. I’m not 20 anymore. I have to work. These are life’s realities, and they suck. It’s hard to be positive.

Will I continue to coach? Hopefully. Frankly, I’m not sure how I’ll handle just coaching, with out being a player. My boot camps will definitely continue, I really like working with our newbies. And yes, this break also coincided with a Cherry City recruitment. I can’t do as much this time around, and I remember how tired I was last year, so I recruited some other coaches/skaters to lead to workout portions. That was hard, since I’m such a control freak. I am still giving the clinic presentations, and running the forward fall clinic. We’ll see what the future holds. My first goal is gaining range of motion back at the ankle. I’ll keep you posted this time around.

The Elephant In The Room

If you’re still out there, following my blog, thanks!! And hello after a long break between blogs. I’ve been silent for a while, busy recovering from that “elephant”. The thing we all face when we play derby, but don’t like to think about. I talked a blue streak about it in my blog and while providing strength and conditioning for new derby recruits and my team. INJURY. Sure, we all get bruised, bumped, and sore. We see other girls break legs, arms, collar bones, fingers. But it won’t be me, right? Before my accident (and after), my league had a string of leg breaks – I still never thought it could happen to me. They aren’t inevitable, right? But playing roller derby definitely ups the risk. While it’s true that most breaks are the result of the accidents that happen in our full contact sport, we still need to be as prepared as possible; mentally, physically, and financially.

Here’s my story.

On February 12, 2013, I had double practice. A normal Tuesday night occurrence for Cherry City girls on our travel team. All league scrimmage first and then travel team practice. After months on travel team I was finally feeling a little better about my endurance and skills. During the last 15 minutes of practice we were working on scrimmage-type drills. While working on blocking the jammer, I was knocked out of bounds, and quickly jumped back in to try and get back on the jammer. Instead of landing on the bottom of my foot, I landed squarely on the outside of it. I both felt and heard the bone snap in my lower leg. I went down and didn’t get back up – I knew something was broken. I’m lucky – my home team captain and fellow travel team skater is an emergency room nurse. A couple of other skaters are also nurses and medical personnel. I was splinted and iced very quickly, and only sacrificed a sock and shin guard.

Yep, broken.

Yep, broken.

I’ll be honest – I freaked out. But not for the reasons you think. Yes, it hurt. However, I was lying on the floor, hyperventilating about not having medical insurance, not the pain. I couldn’t work broken, I’m a fitness instructor! No way can I demonstrate exercises with a broken leg! How can I afford not to work?!? My husband was unemployed at the time, and I was really only working part time. Money was tight. How would we pay the rent? Would I have to have surgery like those before me? That had to cost thousands of dollars… round and round by brain went. Thankfully I had a team member who figured it out quickly and reassured me that broke people can apply for charity programs. J I finally got my breath back and put it out of my head for then. Did I want an ambulance? No! My ER nurse was willing to drive me to the hospital. First way to save some money. On a side note, this is the person you really want to go to the ER with. No waiting, you go right back! My husband had been called, he’d meet us there.

Yes, I was wearing this when I broke my leg!

Yes, I was wearing this T shirt when I broke my leg! I didn’t actually bleed though!

I remember that ER visit like it was yesterday. The funniest moment was when I was getting x-rayed. My ER nurse/team captain and my husband got a peek at the screen, and I saw their faces drop. I wasn’t surprised, I already knew it was broken. As I was wheeled back to my room, they conferred in the hallway about if they should tell me before the doctor did. I guess my husband drew the short straw. After he told me, I told him I already knew. Clean break of the fibula. The ER doctor said it probably wouldn’t need surgery, and gave me a referral to an ortho. This is where skaters need to be smart. ER doctors are NOT orthos. They really don’t know the best way to treat your break, especially if they don’t understand your sport. I received a much different plan and prognosis from the orthopedist. See an ortho!

I spent the next six days trying to see said ortho. Turns out the specialty clinic I was trying to get into was busy trying to verify my nonexistent medical insurance. I finally talked to someone in the business office and clarified that I was uninsured. I saw my ortho on Monday and was scheduled for surgery the next morning, a full week after the break. I now have a plate and 5 screws on my right fibula. My ortho felt it was the best way to support the bone, as well as pull the tibia back in place, which was displaced (and missed by the ER doc). He also said I had torn tendons in the front of my ankle. The fall had also created a wicked ankle sprain, which took much longer to heal than the bone. Get insured if you can, it will streamline your care.

I’d never broken a bone before. I’d torn the  meniscus in my knee years ago, and the experience is not even close. I’d never been this immobilized. The nurse on duty that night wouldn’t let my team captain splint me, and her splint was all wrong. I didn’t sleep for the first 24 hours after the break due to the pain, and ended up going back to the hospital for a new splint. It’s easy to let the injury take over your life. I couldn’t work. I hadn’t walked on crutches for 20 years, and it had only been a couple of weeks then. You lose your mobility quickly. I was so excited when I was loaned a scooter, only to have to spend a week working on bending my knee so I could use it! Simple things like going to the bathroom become an event.

I wondered about my ability to return to derby. In my experience, it was everyone’s first question for me. My answer was, “I’m focusing on walking again first”. Of course I wanted to return. When you play roller derby it’s in your blood, right? But I did question it, every step of the way. I’m thankful for my fitness training, as I wasn’t able to see the physical therapist on a regular basis. I just couldn’t afford it. I was on a “cash discount” payment basis with the physical therapist, and had to pay every time I went in. The discount isn’t a big deal if you can’t afford anything. So I asked for a substantial home exercise program, and saw the therapist every few weeks to check in and upgrade my exercises as necessary. I was dedicated to my exercises, which is actually rare, and why most people see their therapist two or three times a week. It turned out that when I got back on skates was my decision. When I asked the ortho and therapist about it, they said you’ll know when you are ready. So helpful!

Sorry for the lamp. This is how you take pics when you're high on pain meds.

Sorry for the lamp. This is how you take pics when you’re high on pain meds.

I waited six months. The bone was long healed by then; I’d been working on healing the ankle sprain and strengthening my ankle. I was slowed down by my jobs. Fitness training and working retail kept me on my feet on surfaces that were not conducive to healing. I went back to recreational skating first. I skated around my neighborhood, and went to our league’s rec skates. We don’t have a local rink. This is where recovering skaters can make a big mistake. Six months off, with little to no exercise besides rehab, does not prepare you to go straight back to practice, especially team level practice. I started with level 1 practices. In our league, this is actually pre-fresh meat. We take gals that can’t even skate. I was nervous about falling, and didn’t have a plow stop anymore. Let’s not even talk about my footwork skills. But I had a plan – I was bouting with my team in January.

I spent the next five months refreshing my skills, getting back to home team practices. Frustrating is too light a word for it. I’d spent so long carrying all my weight on the right leg as the left was healing, that the plantar fasciitis I already had in my right foot was exacerbated. My right hip started bothering me too. An old back injury resurfaced. My skating was all over the place, hit and miss, depending more on how my foot felt than my ankle, while also dealing with back and hip pain. What was I doing? Was derby realistic for me? Breaking a bone in your 40’s is not the same as doing it in your 20’s. During this time I also started coaching our level 1 girls, on top of the newbie boot camps I ran every three months (I’ll have to write a separate blog on running a boot camp two weeks after breaking my leg… that was an experience!). I was also training more, teaching more classes and working with more clients. I kept pushing, even though the doubt was always there.

My first bout back was last weekend in Washington against the Hellbound Homewreckers of the Dockyard Derby Dames. I can tell you I was super nervous! I’d had a pretty good scrimmage the previous Thursday with my league, but I had pushed hard and was very sore, and had some pretty severe foot pain. I wondered if I would even be able to skate. Friday after work was recovery day – ice, foot soaks, stretching, special exercises for my feet, lots of rolling out of my feet and calves with a lacrosse ball. I had to figure out how to protect my forearms, too. I received my first sport court burns that same night in a fall. However, I woke up Saturday feeling pretty good, ready to go.

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We had a great bout, the score was close and went back and forth. We ended up losing, but only by 26 points. As you know, that’s close in derby! We actually won the second half, which is what our coach asked of us at half time. We play them again at home next month and we’ll be ready. I had foot pain after the bout, but was not as sore on Sunday as I thought I would be. Maybe I can do this. I’ll admit, the doubt is still there.

I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to travel team. My goal right now is to continue working on gaining back what I lost. Endurance (always a weakness before), footwork (not the best before, but it was better than it is now!), hard hits (yes, I had those!), and oh yeah, confidence. I need to be a strong skater for my home team first. There are hours outside of practice needed for icing, stretching, soaking, rolling, etc. This is the reality of derby after an injury, especially after 40.

What I have learned from this:

  1. Don’t ignore the possibility of major injury. Plan ahead!
  2. Get insured if you aren’t. XSI.com offers extreme sports insurance that is recognized by WFTDA as medical insurance. It’s cheap. I pay around $20/month. It will significantly lower your WFTDA insurance deductible. Check out what’s available now through the Affordable Health Care Act. Look into Aflac, etc.
  3. Cross train, eat right, quit smoking. None will protect you from an accident, but being strong and healthy will help you heal quicker. Smoking and poor diet will slow bone growth and healing. I healed fast and gained back range of motion pretty quickly thanks to the first two. I’m lucky, I’ve never smoked because I’m allergic to it.
  4. Put some money away if you have no paid leave from your job. Having the financial struggle on top of the physical one creates more mental anguish. Believe me, I’m speaking from experience here!
  5. And here’s an odd tip – get comfortable and “okay” with falling. You’ve been taught to do it right and you’re wearing protective gear. I used to pride myself on never falling, always getting my feet back underneath me. I can’t prove it, but I believe that if I had just let myself go down that night, I’d maybe just have some bruises and an ankle sprain instead of a permanent plate and scar. Literally, learn to roll with it! You’ll practice getting up more often and that will make  you stronger and faster.

Why do I Love to Play Roller Derby?

Why do I love to play roller derby?

That’s me in the red!

Derby is my stress relief.  When I play, everything else goes away.  It has helped get me through a crazy couple of years – my mom had a heart attack, my dad died unexpectedly, I had a cancer scare, and finally, I got the courage to leave a career I hated.  When I started practicing with a new league this year, the comment I heard was, “Who is she?  We love having her here because she always has a smile on her face!”.  Derby has helped me find my true calling.  I want to be fit and help others be fit.  So last fall I decided to become a personal trainer/strength and conditioning coach.  I’m currently going to school in Portland, Oregon, and will graduate in June 2012.

I know some girls hate the movie, but yes, I was turned on to roller derby by “Whip It”.  I love that movie.  Not so much for the roller derby in it, but for the moral of the story –  figure out what you love and go for it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  I want to help derby leagues (especially new ones!) create injury prevention programs.  We participate in a sport that some don’t want to see as a “sport”.  Many of our newbies were never athletic, never played sports – like me!  We can’t take these girls and “whip them into shape” without taking this into consideration, especially in smaller leagues where everyone gets to play, and the definition of “minimum skills” is very different from a more established, larger league.  I want to ensure that these girls have a positive introduction to our sport and don’t get hurt in the process.  I love introducing women to this sport, and want to help do it in a way that makes them healthier, not broken.

This season, derby has come full circle for me.  Thanks to my new career focus and better fitness, I am more focused when I play derby.  As a lifelong skater, the minimum skills were not a challenge for me.  Pulling them all together with strategy and consistency was my struggle.  I finally feel like the pieces are falling into place, and played my best bout yet a couple weeks ago.  I’m looking forward to starting my own derby business while maintaining my own fitness and helping others achieve theirs!

Panty Raider Dance Off!!